Heart Ki

Choose Unconditional Love

heart of ice slightly melting on a surface

The day-to-day objective of many is to get to the next promotion, find a better earning job, improve their life. Parents leave their kids at an early age with grandparents, or in a day-care center, in order to attend to their daily work and commute. Kids who many times aren’t even 3, 4, 5 years old.

A child this age needs uninterrupted, non-rushed time with their parents. She needs a loving, caring family and environment, with time to breathe and just be.

She needs an embrace with both arms that is offered with an open heart, and from a person who at that moment doesn’t need to be anyplace else, both physically, emotionally and mentally. She needs a connection without any other goal than to give, to be, Love. She needs less of moments of “love” that are done mixed with the intent of having the child do something, behave in a certain way, with a mind focused on something else, or for saying goodbyes. There needs to be time and place and space for Love alone.

What is Love? Love is when you are loved for who you are. Love is when there’s nothing to fix, even when other eyes would see things to improve or get better. Love is a bond that is both strong yet subtle, which needs calm waters to come to the surface.

There needs to be a Love that is, as they say, “unconditional”. This means there is no objective. No agenda. Nothing. Just someone loving who someone else is, just like a parent feels towards its baby. There needs to be a place and space for that pure nurturing. A nurturing without objectives, without expectations, without goals, without things to do, objectives to become, bills to pay, things to fix or heal or adjust.

When having babies and building a family, there’s often so much daily, moment-by-moment, pent-up pressure, that’s very difficult for the parents to manifest, to convey, this unadulterated feeling that all child need. A child without this nurturing will grow up like a flower would with less than sufficient sun, water, and nutrients.

Once I saw an experience made with several animals, I think it was on TV, or in Youtube. In this experiment, two young animals from a species were compared side-by-side in terms of cognitive abilities, memory capacity, reaction to stress, problem-solving, etc. The difference between the two young animals was that one was allowed to stay with his mother until naturally he had outgrown that need and attachment; while the other was prematurely taken away from his mother, I think, while the mother was still feeding its young with its milk.

The species I remember the most was two piglets, but there were more. In general, the animal who was allowed to undergo its natural growth was much more cognitively and emotionally developed, and stable. It reacted with focus and attention to unexpected stimuli, it had better memory and ability at problem solving, and learned easily from previous experience. Whereas the animal that was removed from its mother at a tender age was the opposite: it was permanently anxious and nervous, it was jittery and reacted with panic to unexpected events and possible danger; and had a very hard time learning solutions, and remembering what those solutions were, even if it had found them before in previous tests.

This is no different with people, and I had always seen most humans, with a few exceptions, as unloved grown children. Withered, barely surviving,  and prone to rash decisions and survival behavior, scraping the bottom of the pan, and attempting not to strive, but to survive. Where’s Love?

When it comes to an individual maturing and growing, things have a proper time and place, and furthermore, there’s no real guarantee that any benchmark, or a given set, of behavioral and emotional inner properties, is achieved.

Yet, in the middle of the turmoil and anxious state to thrive in the money world, the earning the living world, parents inevitably will want the children to develop, to adapt, to fit, to succeed, to thrive themselves,  to achieve good grades and benchmarks in society.

It might be out of love. But as soon as this happens, that Love is no longer unconditional.

There is no real space for Love, and it starts with the children. Some parents might be aware of this and do feel, or attempt to reserve the space, for unconditional Love. But I do not feel there is much of this yet. Instead, what I feel is that people rush, commute, run forward endlessly, to provide their kids with a better future when they grow up.

I place the reserve note that it his honorable to do so. Certainly better than absence of responsibility, slaking, not caring.

Still, what I ask is this: A) what about your baby now? B) When does it stop?

Your kids will have to do the same thing with their kids. Work for a better future. And these kids, the same with them. So I ask: what future? When is that future?

Is that future working more for the “future”?

There is no future. There’s only the now, right now. Stay with your children now.

Screw the government. The laws. The obligations. The promotion. Do you want your children to truly flourish as a human Soul? Love them now, stay with them now, remove all expectations from them. Stay with them until they no longer need you to, on a permanent basis, and not before. And don’t rush it, so you may go to work, or they may grow to. Just be with them without any expectation whatsoever.

I’m perfectly aware of the need to have money to life, but you know what? Humanity is enslaved by this. No, wait. This goes beyond “how it should be”, because there’s nowhere any rule that it should be so. Did God wrote anywhere that humans must earn their sustenance? Unless I missed the memo, that’s a human-created rule. It’s not a law of nature.

Picture for a moment what you feel regarding African slaves, before the XX century, and anywhere in history when there were such a thing as slaves.

It’s simply barbaric beyond notion, is it not? Why? Because the thought of some humans being fundamentally worse than others simply doesn’t make any sense at all.

The principle of you having to earn your sustenance, deferring to a higher (paying) power, is the same slavery. I mean the same. It doesn’t have the raw inhumanity, the sheer physical violence, but it has the same disrespect, and the violence is not punctual (the slave getting whipped into working, not being healed, treated like an animal, etc) but it is emotional and enduring, built-up over time. All your days and waking hours are spent, most of the time, figuring out how to earn money, or something related to it.

So this is not a text urging you to do something, or not to. I do have “solutions”, but I’ll save them for another time. I want to keep this text strictly with the purpose of poking you, because before figuring out the solutions, you need to be touched. You need to feel clearly just how awful the need to earn money from the outside is, and how it enslaves you, literally. Not a somewhat literal literally, but a true literal one. Such a need is designed to keep the human forever malnourished and suffocated at the psychological, emotional, and spiritual levels – even if there’s food to eat, and riches to spend.

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