Heart Ki

Surround Yourself with Those Who Validate You


This makes all the difference.

A spiritual existence in a human body is, or can be sometimes, a lonely, isolated experience. Not to mention a difficult, challenging one. Even if you’re surrounded by others.

The same is especially true if you’ve decided to undergo a life or meaning to yourself, be it in healing/teaching service to others, in creative endeavours, or in any other way. If you do, it’s because you are spiritually sensitive. You are, or want to be, more in touch with yourself, with your own identity and unique expression.

You look at a beautiful painting. A flower. The sky and the clouds. You feel sad, or happy. You experience something which is meaningful to you.

And you express it: “What a beautiful painting“.

This is an expression of your sensitivity, your tastes. Of who you are inside. And you are ex-(outwards)-pressing it. If it reflects an inner sensitivity, you’re most likely expressing your open heart.

The person next to you may reply “Yes. Yes it is.” This is an answer of validation. Be it because the person genuinely feels the same that you do, and/or because he/she compassionately acknowledges what you feel, possibly reinforcing what you said, complementing it in some way.

If the person truly validates you, you feel it in your heart.

Now, it’s a very different case when the person you’re with, replies… well, anything else at all. Something like “Well, I don’t know… I like that one better“, or even maybe something a bit more harsh, in the lines of “No, not really, because {reason}“.

There are many forms of invalidation. It doesn’t always imply explicit, clear disagreement. The person might actually say “Yes“, “Yes, I like it“, but only to please you, or to get something in return. In which case the energy of deceit, or misalignment, will be there anyway. Also, each culture and society has its own sounds and body language that indicates a disagreeing, disdainful, or even ridiculing reaction. Answers don’t need words.

Regardless of the subtlety of the response of the one, or the ones, around you, the way others mirror your expression is either of validation, or invalidation (or neutrality/nullifying, which means for example not answering anything at all, or not considering your expression. Maybe an extreme form of invalidation, if you will).

Your identity does not come from the outside. However, you’ll be making your life a whole lot harder if you let yourself be surrounded by those you don’t, or can’t, mirror who you truly are. In an extreme case, if you allow, or tolerate, most everyone around you to be ones who don’t reflect your Self, over time you’re ever more likely to start forgetting who you are, and second-guess yourself more often. Maybe a life lesson for some, maybe an opportunity for growth for others. Still, it applies.

In this sense, you always have a tendency to be, or be influenced, by what you look at.

A response that validates reinforces the Soul. It is a mirror of It. A response that invalidates does the opposite: it withers it. The degree by which it does, of course, depends on your self-esteem, your strength, your personal power, your sense of identity. Someone disagreeing on you on your taste of paintings, or your general tastes, of course, won’t alone kill your sense of Self. Being in touch with the different and the varied is at the basis of all experience and learning.

However, like the Portuguese saying goes, you’re not made of iron.

A child who grows consistently receiving negative, disempowering feedback the likes of “Nonsense“, “Don’t be stupid“, or “You’re wasting my patience” will grow and evolve in a weakened emotional inner state, like the flower who is given little water yet an abundance of pesticide.

It is indeed a widespread epidemic, nurtured by a lifeless society that keeps everyone struggling and competing amongst one another to earn their jobs and their sustenance, their own share of water. And leaves little time, patience, and energy, to simple love and compassion.

It’s not mandatory that you receive everyone’s expressions with a mellow, tolerant, and compassionate reaction – at least not to the point that you stop expressing your own uniqueness. Furthermore, dealing with others sometimes might call for tough, rather than compassionate, love.

Nevertheless, don’t neglect the energy of love itself. Towards others, and towards yourself. Without love and compassion, everything becomes a sea of rights and wrongs, a multitude of things that are correct and others which are flawed. Some paintings are better than others, and flowers compete for water because there isn’t enough to go around.

With love, all of those dissolve away.

And one way of giving yourself water, love, is to make sure that when you find someone who truly sees you, someone that, without inflating your ego, brings about your self feelings of validation, empowerment, patience, love, and compassion, that says “Yes” instead of “No”, then it is in your best interest to keep that someone around. And to nurture them. And in turn they will nurture you.

Being surrounded by others who see the good in you, and reinforce the parts of you that you wish to reinforce in your spiritual Essence, is of the utmost importance. In extreme cases, it makes all the difference. It’s the difference between knowing thyself, and losing yourself.

This is not a calling for you to discard those who you don’t like or that bring about pain to you, simply because I wouldn’t know what your life lessons and spiritual intent are.

Nevertheless, you’ll find some people truly see you. While others don’t.

You are bound to find low points in life, in whatever you do. Moments of pain, challenge, or self-doubt. These are junction points. It is at these points that validation and reassurance is crucial.

You need the ones who can point out your strengths, shed a little light in that dark place, and reassure you. You need the ones who can tell you that what you’re experiencing is natural. That making mistakes is OK. You need to be reminded of your genuine good bits and pieced sometimes. And to take your load and make it lighter.

I found out that a little light is often far more valuable that finding a solution, dissecting a situation, or bolster an ego.

People sometimes say that family is the most important to them. That it’s their backbone, their basis, their support. And this is about finding your family throughout life, and nurturing them as you find them, as long as they are present. For they are the most precious thing.

This is an act of love towards others, but also towards yourself. You’re keeping around you, in your reality, and in your energy field, positive and nurturing energy, which reflects your true Self back to you. You are choosing your own energy to yourself, rather than something else. And as you seek it, and treasure it, more and more will come to you.

When you surround yourself by others, and circumstances, in your external world, which align with your Essence, you are in reality finding, choosing, and integrating your own Essence in your life. When you do the opposite, when you tolerate external energies which do not align with you, you are tolerating in your energy things that are for all purposes false, in relation to it.

Note: You can comment as guest (without login), to do so click on the field "name" then check "I'd rather post as guest". The comment section may not load if you have an ad blocker active.
All Articles
    1. Faith vs Protection: Coronavirus Edition
    2. Happy Not-Christmas!
    3. On the Biological Race to Have Children, Part II: Romantic Contracts
    4. The (true) Dark Side
    5. A Journey of Meaning
    6. Time of Rest Must be Proportional to Time of Work
    7. What “Love Yourself First” Means
    8. Spirituality is Not About Restriction
    9. Intuitive Feng Shui Guidelines
    10. Gnosis – To Know the Actual Truth
    11. Why Small Talk Drains You
    12. The Difference Between Thought and Intuition
    13. Asking Monetary Compensation For Spiritual Work
    14. Spiritual is the Desire to be You
    15. Scarcity Calls For Growth
    16. The Structure of Love – A Tale For Mother’s Day
    17. The Difference Between Knowledge and Wisdom
    18. A Spiritual Thirst To Quench
    19. The Power of Swearing
    20. Life Is Your Garden, And You Are The Gardener
    21. Heart Over Matter
    22. The Universe Stops When You Stop
    23. Don’t Stay Silent When You Are Being Disrespected
    24. Spiritual Knowledge Can Become A Desert
    25. The Universe Favors the Bold
    26. Your Very Own Drama Channel
    27. Essence and the Supermarket Bags
    28. The Nature of True Love
    29. 4 Things That are Pointless in Life
    30. How Spoken Words Can Control You
    31. Law of Attraction: Manifesting Reality by Asking for More
    32. If You’re Anxious for an Answer, it May Already be Within Your Reach
    33. Spirituality: is Eating Meat Right or Wrong?
    34. Choose Unconditional Love
    35. How TV Can Be Bad For You
    36. Surround Yourself with Those Who Validate You
    37. Debt is Misaligned With Spiritual Integrity
    38. When It Comes To Food Follow Your Intuition
    39. The Meaning of Carpe Diem
    40. How To Have Your Spirit Guides Communicate With You
    41. A Discussion on Soul Mates, and How to Find Yours
    42. A Work of Passion
    1. Faith vs Protection: Coronavirus Edition
    2. Do We Reincarnate as Both Genders?
    3. Infants and Newborns
    4. The Spiritual Test of Atlantis
    5. Frequently Asked Questions about Reincarnation and Related Topics
    6. Do You Choose Your Next Life, or Is It Chosen for You?
    7. Regarding Earthbound Energies
    8. On the Biological Race to Have Children, Part II: Romantic Contracts
    9. On the Biological Race to Have Children, Part I: the Biology Overlay
    10. The Difference Between Mind, Spirit, and Soul
    11. Attachment is Not Love
    12. Karma: Punishment, Balance, or Something Else?
    13. Spiritual Time
    14. Spirituality is Not About Restriction
    15. The Three Conditions to Attract your Soul Mate
    16. The Difference Between Thought and Intuition
    17. The Souls of Animals and Plants
    18. What is Free Will? An Explanation
    19. How Can Reincarnation Be Real If The World’s Population Keeps Increasing?
    20. Why We Get Stuck on the Bad and Easily Forget the Good
    21. Healing Past-Lives
    22. Spiritual Knowledge Can Become A Desert
    23. Remembering Past-Lives
    24. The Nature of True Love
    25. The Creation of The Akashic Records
    26. The Coming of Christ Energy
    27. Religion, Science and Spirituality: the Fundamental Uncertainty of Man
    28. Esoteric Timeline of the History of Humanity
    29. What Happens After Death
    30. Do We Have Free Will or are Events Predestined?
    1. Akashic Records Reading [Standard]: The Flow of Creativity
    2. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: The Tool of Nonchalance
    3. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: Memories of Being The Master
    4. About the Spiritual Desire to Go Home (Excerpt from a Quick Reading)
    5. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: To Believe in Love
    6. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Breaking the Fifth Wall
    7. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: Clean Slate
    8. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: The Speaker
    9. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Red and Blue
    10. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: Grace
    11. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: Angel in the Statue
    12. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: I Flew on a Vimana!
    13. Akashic Records Reading [Quick]: A Case Study on Karmic Entanglement
    14. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Beyond the Threshold
    15. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Daughter of the Archangel
    16. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Graduating to the Angelic Realms
    17. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: A New Take on Mastery
    18. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: The Retired Privateer
    19. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: A Tale of Two Astronauts
    20. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: The Fairy
    21. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Amaratren and the Beasts of War
    22. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Daniel
    23. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Roul
    24. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: The Artist Messenger
    25. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Tuhjk, “The Great One”
    26. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Cassandra, Atlantis, and Maha Chohan
    27. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Bartholomew
    28. Akashic Records Reading [Written]: Hermione
    1. About the Spiritual Desire to Go Home (Excerpt from a Quick Reading)
    2. Changing the World
    3. Spiritual Awakening Q&A
    4. A Choice to be Made
    5. The Endurance to Keep Seeking
    6. Spiritual Awakening Can Be Painful
    7. Karma: Punishment, Balance, or Something Else?
    8. Spiritual Time
    9. Healing Takes Time
    10. You Teach Yourself, You Heal Yourself, Always
    11. The Path of Essence and the Paths of Distraction
    12. The Energy of Spaces and People: How It Works
    13. What Synchronicity Is And How To Experience It
    14. Spiritual Awakening is not the same as Enlightenment
    15. What Is Spirituality?
    16. Regarding Spiritual Awakening
    17. Personal Awakening and Ascension
    18. How To Have Your Spirit Guides Communicate With You
    19. Synchronicity: My Letter and Number Sequence Meanings
    20. Are You Undergoing Spiritual Awakening?
    21. The Solution to Everything is Breathing
    22. 8 Things That Happen During Your Spiritual Awakening
    23. Spiritual Awakening Emotional and Physical Symptoms
    24. Spiritual Discernment
    1. Glory to Her Heroes
    2. The Energy of Whole(some)
    3. Transformative Effects of a Pandemic
    4. Faith vs Protection: Coronavirus Edition
    5. Coronavirus and the Two Earths
    6. Hold Tight
    7. Social Media and Disconnection
    8. On the Biological Race to Have Children, Part III: Cultural Worth
    9. On the Biological Race to Have Children, Part I: the Biology Overlay
    10. The (true) Dark Side
    11. ‘The Martian’ Review: How This Movie Is Different
    12. Time of Rest Must be Proportional to Time of Work
    13. Release Yourself From Social Constraints and Enjoy Your Life
    14. Allowing the Good Seed to Thrive
    15. Society’s Worship of Youth
    16. How Spoken Words Can Control You
    17. How to Rise Above Competition – But Retain Personal Power
    18. Masterchef U.S.A. vs Masterchef Australia
    19. How TV Can Be Bad For You
    20. The Coming of Christ Energy
    1. The Seven Densities of Consciousness
    2. Karma: Punishment, Balance, or Something Else?
    3. Densities and Graduation
    4. The Indigo and Crystal Children
    5. The Souls of Animals and Plants
    6. Tree of Life as Levels of Awareness
    7. The Progression of Awareness in Personal Growth
    8. Examples Of Levels Of Awareness: 3D to 7D
    9. Quiz: What’s Your Awareness Level?
    10. Densities Chart
    11. Densities Explained
    1. Glossary and Instagram Page are Up
    2. Downloads Page is Up
    3. Patreon Page is Up
miniature of the cards page miniature of the quiz page miniature of the chart page miniature of the downloads page miniature of the images page
Latest Readings
Article Highlights
Latest Articles