Heart Ki

Quick Reading: To Believe in Love

The following is a Quick Reading originally performed for a client. This is a reading of the Akashic Records that takes me a few hours to perform, and is delivered as text by email. All references to the person's identity were replaced with a fictional alias to protect their privacy. For the purposes of this publication, some portions of the original reading may have been rephrased, edited out, but no changes were made to the original meaning. Additional readings are published at the Patreon page. For more information about Akashic Records Readings in general, please see: Akashic Records Readings. For more information about Quick Readings specifically, please see: Reading Types at a Glance.

This Quick reading is a follow-up to the reading Clean Slate, in other words a reading performed for the same client. On this occasion the person expressed the desire to address the arena of their romantic relationships, as well as their past experiences and karmic relationships with previous partners.

Part I. Love

As with any reading, I will state beforehand that I may interchangeably switch between coming from an “I” or a “we”, as I am presenting the information. I’m stating this prior to writing the reading. The “I” will represent more of my own individual perspective, as reader and writer of the text, whereas when the “we” is used it will reflect more of a collective perspective, that of the spiritual entourage participating in the reading as a whole, and putting forth the information.

A pre-analysis of the energy as the reading begins: information is available but does not come fluidly. The tone in this energy registers like a spiritual self who is open to the idea of love but who’s sore and tired, as if in an ‘unenthusiastic’ mode: it believes in love but is also weary and drained from attempts, from past experiences.

The energy of the reading wishes to take a moment to redirect attention from facts, details and understanding, to the heart and the emotional, first. The reading wishes you to take a moment to invite you, now, to acknowledge just how difficult, frustrating, and painful, this realm was at times for you. We wish not to engage in a comparison with the experiences of other humans as a way to diminish, relativize, or compartmentalize your own suffering in this manner i.e. “others had worse than me”, “I need to count my blessings” and so on – and so we wish you to not do the same either. Truth be told, the ability and willingness to count one’s blessings is a profoundly valuable, honorable, and sometimes hard-earned skill – but let it also not take you away from the pain. For the pain needs also to be acknowledged, and sat with, before it can ever be transmuted into something different and better.

We humans have a hard time handling difficulty and will promptly use the tools and mechanisms at their disposal to try to fix problems. So there will be a natural attempt, mixed in with a spiritual and legitimate, ‘magical’ sense of curiosity, to try to seek the root cause of patterns and painful experiences: so they cease to exist, and be no more. Which is a seeking that is perfectly fine and legitimate, and often useful and necessary, in one’s spiritual path. With this being said, it is also of as much importance if not greater, the mindset with which we go about approaching and engaging with the matter as a whole, or in other words, the emotional state we carry inside as we deal with it, often without noticing. How do we perceive love itself? How do we look upon the idea itself? How am I connected with the concept of love – even before approaching another to share it with? How does love feel? Quite often it is more important to just stay with the emotional – as opposed to rushing forward and analyzing situations from the mind. And this is why we’re diverting this energy and this text into a more ’emotional’ realm at the moment, for now without addressing any issues, without discussing patterns, without ‘going anywhere’. Right now we’re just here with you, just that. And that’s enough.

Mayhaps you will have noticed some sources of spiritual nature will refer to connecting with the Love of Spirit, of the Angels, or of the Devas, and so on. The Love as it exists on higher planes, or whichever way it may be referred to. A vibration of Love that is pure, pristine, original, unobstructed and unconditional. Well, sometimes this indication may sound a little like airy-fairy concept when it comes out of the mouth of the orator, of the meditator, or of the channel. Because albeit potentially strong, spiritual, and intense, this would nevertheless be a type of Love that may be seen or felt as “ethereal”, as being “high up there”, and as such, perhaps not the kind of love that is felt between two human beings who want nothing more than to merge together, fuse together, to be with each other closely, at all times. So this idea of spiritual Love may inadvertently be dismissed or put to the side, if nothing else, perhaps partially, or subconsciously. For what is Love from Spirit any good if the Love of a woman or man is missing? So this indication for ‘ethereal’ Love may sometimes enter through one ear and swiftly exit through the other. But this notion isn’t actually accurate. The Love from Spirit is the highest form of Love there is, and although it can be, and is, found ‘divided’ across many human-level experiences throughout all arenas of life, perhaps none mirrors it more closely, and is its sharpest reflection, than the love between two partners that can be experienced in the human life. So when we – Spirit, Creation, the Universe, the Angels, etc. – suggest the human to connect with our Love, we aren’t asking you to get in touch with a Love that’s just imagined and unreachable; nor are we trying to replace a woman’s Love with a subtle form of Love that can only be experienced alone. We’re asking the human, suggesting, pleading, begging, to remember how our Love is like, so you can connect, draw unto you and manifest it better, in your current reality. So you remember how it feels.

And this is the indication from us to you now as well. Before we delve more into, if you will, details and ‘technicalities’. If you don’t mind us putting forth the following expression (and even despite addressing things in this manner going forward nonetheless), but in a certain way, to an extent, “the past and the details don’t matter!”. Why would the past experiences of lack of love be any relevant to the present moment, when what you wish to experience now is love? They don’t. Hopefully you may understand the intention behind these words. Our indication here is for you to revert to your inner reference of Love within. How you feel into, imagine, and would ideally want, Love – whatever that is, whatever you feel it. What you feel Love to be like. Even the Love you’ve never felt, or the Love you once had or knew, and could not recover. And then, once you connect with it, for you to hold on to it, or, if nothing else, remember it, as fondly and as closely and as vividly as you can, within you. For the Love you carry within is a Love you will, sooner or later, create for you in the Earth plane.

Do note that, we wish not to mean love on Earth between two individuals as always something idyllic, perfect, flawless. Making this suggestion or such a promise would be a disservice to you, it would be a falsehood. Because at that point we’d be talking about a perfection that isn’t real, and creating expectations that could never be met. But our point is, that the practical experience between two individuals sharing a relationship, even with all the complexities and challenges the human life may hold and present, may still be founded and rooted in a nest of deep, true spiritual Love. And the way to have a chance at co-creating it in the physical, is to over time be actively willing to consciously focus oneself, emotionally and with one’s own heart, on this inner notion of Love. Not just with the mind, but with the spiritual. To choose, as much as possible, to believe in this Love. This focus, the inner reference of a Love – even one you may never have seen, may never have lived in this life – will come from one’s own references of Love from the spiritual realms. And holding on to it works like a ‘calling’ for that Love on the Earth experience. A different practitioner, channel, or source, could use different words for this, such as: “open your heart”, “hold love in your heart”, “keep hoping”, “choose love”, etc.. All of these would represent the same thing: the conscious choice of connecting with one’s inner reference of Love. And to not give it up, to not disconnect from it, perhaps if the past presented itself rough and harsh, or if the experience you seek now seems unreachable. This is key, as much, if not more, than understanding the whys, the whens, or the hows. This inner reference of Love may seem abstract, ephemeral, impractical, or perhaps an idealization, something that is impossible to experience in the Earth plane. But we say to you that you have it because it is real. So this is our first indication in this reading: to keep believing, to keep choosing that Love.

Part II. Dynamics of Sirius

Now let us add a bit more ‘technicality’. If you recall in the first reading we mentioned how the Sirius energy holds a duality between sensitivity (emotion, awe, curiosity, excitement, experimentation) and technicality (technology, science, understanding, mind-based knowledge). Now what happens is that as the Sirius spiritual entity with such affinities ventures into physical matter and into the skin of a human being, these two parts might become more distinct, and intensified to a point. So the sensitivity-based aspect can become more prone to seek the thrill and rush of experiences, to seek intensity in a land (i.e. the physical realms) where connection with the Eternal Infinite and its intensity is dulled, dampened and less obvious; and the technical-based aspect may become prone to try to analyze and rationalize everything, devise efforts to comprehend and make sense of everything, in part as an attempt to replace the lack of clarity and self-evident nature of the Eternal Infinite. So in short the two aspects can become more exacerbated, if you will.

Let’s now translate these traits onto the experience of Love, as a human being engages with it. This heightened sensitivity – and the seeking of that intensity – could and would compound with the complexities of how the human being experiences things, and would lead the incarnating self to seek out connections with whom they could share intense, charged, roller-coaster-style experiences, but that weren’t necessarily stable, harmonious, or enduring (or not setting such elements as prerequisites). In short, it could lead to the seeking of charged/intense connections, and as a priority over the Love itself. This was partially your case also, and you may even have a certain internal charge about the perception that relationships can’t be intense and durable at the same time; or, that intensity only comes with difficulty, and absence of difficulty seems to reduce intensity/feeling, and thus, your perception of love. In this case you would systematically mistake intense feelings for Love, replacing one for the other. In truth, feeling things intensely didn’t mean the things you were feeling were actual Love, or that you were in the presence of It – but you strongly disliked absence of feeling anything at all due to the Sirius’ affinity with intensity. And so over time and incarnations you gradually reinforced the association between feeling and ‘love’, while inadvertently coming farther apart, within the scope of this karma, of connections that could reflect true Love as a result.

Now, you could state how the original sensitivity and curiosity of your beingness ARE, indeed, a form and manifestation of Love, a reflection of the genuineness of the spiritual self – the original curiosity of the Soul, its deep Love for Live, and for Existence. Still, the seeking of the thrill could also be used to compensate for absence of this same sensitivity, in which case it could draw forms of lack of Love. With regards to lack of difficulty leading to lack of feeling, and to a stable love being a boring love, the truth is that it is only the need for feeling coupled with increasing experiences of untrue love (and failed love) that would induce the disparity between ‘charged feeling’ and ‘absence of feeling’ – because the self was now often dealing with not having Love around it, and dreaded coming to a place of stillness where it would be faced with that. In this regard, the truth is that the perception of proper true Love is quite intense, even between two humans on the Earth plane, however it necessitates stillness and a peaceful mindset within the connection, the absence of which can and will disturb its perception. But the self was now instead and often invested in seeking precisely charged and agitated waters, with much turmoil and difficulty, where true Love would either not exist, or could not be felt. It was the initial form of ‘giving up on’ Love.

Furthermore, when it was the case that experiences would fail, or not provide the Love that was sought, was when the technical-minded aspects of the self would come in. You see, karma forms when there is difficulty in processing emotional feeling, or when one becomes detached from it within. It happens that failed relationships and experiences created a natural drive in the self to try to comprehend everything, figure out the nature of the experience, as a strategy both to cope and to produce better results next time around. As you might imagine, this is the perspective of the “scientist” part of the self, going over all aspects of life as experiences in a lab, and seeking to produce the intended results. While this is all well and good – there is validity in seeking spiritual understanding, don’t get us wrong – there is nonetheless always the tendency of the scientist self to delve too deeply into the understanding of things, and in doing so fall into the trap of processing things with the mind. This is valid for all things including spiritual understanding, which is why we opted to approach this reading initially from a more emotional/gentle mindset first. The issue with always approaching issues from the mind, is that the human mind is fairly rigid and limited in its own ability to offer clarity to situations on its own, i.e. without also connecting with the higher levels of understanding – it may potentially even block them. Over-focusing on the mind alone also tends to detach one from one’s own emotions and inner emotional states, which has the effect of pulling one away from their own ability to “just” feel things, for what they are.

As an example, we’ll say a scientist may attempt to rationalize and use the mind as a tool, for example to divert oneself away from the suffering or attempt to avoid it – but if the emotional suffering itself is not felt sufficiently, that will create an accumulation of unfelt emotion, which metaphysically speaking creates the necessity of having further experiences in the future solely for the purposes of purging those emotions from one’s spiritual system – a process also colloquially known as “karma”. Again, we reiterate feeling is fundamental to the process of healing, the reason for our suggestion at the start of the reading to take a moment and stay with the emotions. With the frustration, sadness, anger, pain, trauma, and any and all the emotions that have come to be associated with the experiences in the arena of relationships in this lifetime so far. Being with those emotions, without ‘doing anything’ to them, just staring them frontally, is an important step in processing and clearing them, and consequently for the purposes of being able to create in the future situations that may be unbounded, or less bound, to these karmic attributes. Past experiences of failure that resulted in these feelings were ultimately, deep down, not due a specific fault of the self, but ultimately taking place for the purposes of purging these karma, precisely due to a spiritual intention of experiencing genuine Love.

Part III. Reincarnation

As a broad overview, approximately 70% of past-life experiences that resulted in fruitful romantic relationships – and by fruitful we will state we mean experiences that could in some regard reflect true Love, if not even having the attributes of being stable and long-term – were experiences as a woman and not a man. There is some complexity as to why, but the primary factor was the gentler itself: by nature the woman is, generally and metaphysically speaking, an embodiment of Feminine-Energy, and this would lessen the aforementioned spiritual disparities in both intensity and technicality, resulting in a relative dampening of both of these traits. When it was a woman, this would allow the self to generally experience lifetimes where she could finally (mostly unconsciously) permit herself feeling her own true inner references of true Love, a capacity the self never lost at any point but which tended to be mostly buried under the more Masculine-energy tendencies when incarnating as men, occasions in which it had far more ideas and expectations related to what love was and how to procure it. This would involve notions of understanding one’s own life i.e. figuring things out, sometimes including the value of power and control i.e. controlling situations to avoid suffering and/or to become more socially prominent and gather potential partners, for example.

Now, the more we go back in time, the more women in society would tend to be relegated to roles of less prominence, power, and relevance, both in the context of large institutions and organizations, down to the concepts involving family and social life. While there were certainly exceptions and degrees to it, in general men would historically tend to be the bread-winners and decision-makers of the family unit, while women would often – an image offered for the sake of the explanation – be confined to the house to raise children, wash and sew, and so on. The tendency for this relatively simpler type of expectations for life meant incarnating as a woman you could be more or less freed, from both notions and weights of power and social relevance, complex expectations regarding life, etc. and this for you allowed for experiences that were more emotional, and, given your inner reference of Love, allow for a more truthful and genuine lives in that regard – a way to get back to square one, to ‘get back to one’s roots’, emotionally speaking, a theme that ran throughout the initial reading.

On the other hand and despite this, you also had the experience of choosing incarnations that involved giving up on power, sovereignty, and the more elaborate/intricate aspects of the human experience, so you could return to a more genuine way of feeling, and to your own emotional nature (again, a way to return to the basics). So being women could lead to more feeling, but it also of course would generally involve a more simple life, often without greater expectations than those limited to biological family, marriage, and so on. The comparatively lesser levels of, say, personal power, would incur in a lesser degree of the value of enthusiasm in the experience, which is also a core attribute to the Soul, along with the ability to utilize one’s reasoning to handle matters rationally and creatively, be given the opportunity to do so, and so on. As a result, when you alternated between genders in the reincarnation process, you also kept having to switch back and forth between male lifetimes of more personal power, and more elaborate levels of thinking, yet possibly deviating away from Love in the process – satisfying the need for enthusiasm and intensity but inducing the lack of Love – and female lifetimes that then offered opportunity for more Love, and a more emotional way of experiencing life – but inducing then lack of power, fun, intensity and enthusiasm. Spiritually there was some frustration with this, as it seemed there was no Love with Power and vice-versa.

This separation between power and love, which is a separation between masculine and feminine energies, was a byproduct of the Earth plane having fallen into 3D. Aspects of this separation are the previously mentioned frustration of intense feeling vs bland love, love without difficulty vs absence of feeling without difficulty, and so on. The spiritual insight in this regard, was not that power meant lack of Love, but that power was being used as a compensation for lack of Love, inadvertently and ironically creating said lack, by pulling one away from (true) Love. As a male in this lifetime, the overall goal in the romantic arena was, and is, to purge and strip away the aspects of masculine-energy that, albeit closely related to the true nature of the self, can be taken to the extent they seek intensity and turmoil in place of Love; and seeking or allowing a modality of feeling that is closer to the heart and spiritual self, and can co-create true Love. And then, once found, to be able to sustain it, and keep it.

We would not end the reading without mentioning past-lives, as these are your expectations as well – even though, because of the thematic of the reading, as we’ve placed it, they are not primary but secondary to the message, on this occasion. Still, we’ll put forth a brief description of a few past-lives that complement the above information.

There was no physical experience aboard a Vimana [there was some curiosity expressed by the client on the topic, from this other reading: I Flew on a Vimana!], but there was participation from the background of spiritual realms in the flying of one. This is not a physical experience so it does not ‘count’, nor is it felt, as a past-life per se. However the spiritual self, which we’ve alluded to as ‘scientist’ or ‘technical-minded’ in nature, was at the time devoted to assist those efforts that in the Earth, as it had ‘slipped’ into 3D, were still taken to isolate and maintain 4D energy on the surface, a Vimana being, both technologically (Masculine-Energy) and awareness/energy-wise (Feminine-Energy), a representation of 4D on Earth. The affinity with these two aspects still adjoined together, compounded by the self being in a ‘mode’ of full service, while not having a physical body to get in the way of feeling its own form of ‘excitement/love’, is remembered fondly, and is part of the reference of inner Love of the self also.

A lifetime in Atlantis as a male who ran an independent management unit (we would call it a business today) related to crystal technology, and to communications and logistics. The man is in his forties (establishing a comparison to a human today) but he believes at this time that having a mate would detract from his skills and life goals, and all of the excitement he’s feeling in fulfilling his role. He never experiences a long-form relationship by active choice.

A lifetime in Egypt, as a woman living in the rural and desert-bound fringes of the territory – very early Egypt. She is home-bound, keeping basic household duties, and spends much of her time waiting for her husband to come back, who stays long stretches, perhaps days, away from home, due to his occupations. She misses her husband terribly. This lifetime is one where much frustration is experienced due to missing the husband and spending long stretches at home waiting for an unknown time when he returns. However the relationship itself is long-term, and feels sound and honest. On a spiritual level this frustration was planned for the lifetime as a way to experience the inner emotional aspects more closely and intensely, with the byproduct of keeping the self heart-bound for long periods. This lifetime was a compensation for more masculine-oriented lifetimes where the self had pulled away from his own heart.

Finally, a lifetime in European renaissance where a young girl seeks love in a classical, aristocratic ball. She’s around sixteen years old, in appearance she’s normal and pretty, mostly devoid of the weights and burdens of someone who had to socially care with any form of physical imbalance or aesthetic issues. She looks out into the assembled crowd at the ball before the formal dances are about to begin, as if prospecting potential romantic partners, perhaps anticipating meeting someone special. Her mindset is light and hopeful, of someone young who’s not yet preoccupied with major responsibilities and burdens of life, thinking only of who to partner, and the excitement this idea creates at this age. The memory does not go further, the reading seems to point to the pure, genuine feeling of anticipation itself, perhaps to the ability to feel it.

[Follow-up to this reading: Do We Reincarnate as Both Genders?]