My story’s father indeed never took his kids by the arms and push them into doing what he wanted them to. But his spoken words and opinions were a form of control; made that much dangerous since he wasn’t willing to measure his own speaking.

There was also a deliberate, yet unconscious, intention of control from the father. He felt the need to be validated, to be agreed with. ‘I’m just saying my opinion’ wasn’t an innocent form of guidance: it drained a lot of energy.

By consistently making his opinions known to his son this way, the father is conditioning him. The son — unless if he’s particularly confident and fearless (or reckless) — will inevitably feel trapped between his personal choices and the desire to please his father. This happens naturally as a teenager begins to find his own identity in life. However, an attitude of trying to format the child, instead of stepping back and providing guidance, makes the situation that much difficult.

Opinions and Expectations have Weight and Occupy Space

Words can cut off spiritual and emotional silence, and reduce the space to think, and seek, by yourself.

People seldom do this in a malicious way; but it’s their ego doing the talking. The “ego” is that part of the human being that craves, gets addicted, wants to take from others for itself, finds identity and strength in what others give to him. The problem with the ego is that it can get out of control. Ego is to your life as salt is to food: too little and you can’t enjoy i; too much and it spoils everything.

When faced with an oppressive father (oppression using opinions) son and daughter naturally felt suffocated – without necessarily being able to accurately explain why – and instinctively started backing off.

There is a very fine line between helping/advising, and formatting, i.e. invading the free will of others with our opinions. This is especially true between parents and their children. The line must be drawn by the talker, who has the responsibility of minding what he says. It has the responsibility of pondering about the balance of advising, VS providing freedom, silence, a noise-free emotional space to the other person to exist, explore itself, and grow.

This is not to say that every impulse and decision of the son will be “correct”. That is how humans learn: by taking the reigns of its own choices, live by them, possibly make mistakes, learn and adjust, and try again.

This is not to say that stepping back and just observe is easy for any parent. But that is not the point anyway. The ideal situation is gradually stepping back, allowing the growing child the express himself, while maintaining a degree of monitoring and safety.

This is not easy — no one is claiming that it is. Finding balance, in anything, is difficult. But there must be an effort, an active choice to find it. If there is none, opinions get out of control and oppression occurs. As with anything else.

Each person in this world has its own things to do, lessons to take, and wills and desires about these things. There is a path unique to each of us, and that path does not necessarily mirror the lesson, opinions, and wisdom, of our parents. For this reason, it is vital that each person is given enough space to listen to itself.