Attachment is when you feel you need something – or someone – in order to be well.
You become so focused in the idea of having, getting, or achieving that which is your focus of attention, that you’re no longer capable of holding an emotionally stable state. You become stuck, bound, attached, to the thing you want or seek.
The difference between Need and “Need”
There’s a difference between liking something and needing something.
It is possible that you do require a certain element on your life for you to feel well, or for you to function properly, better, or ideally. For example, let’s say you’re a “Nature person”, or a “seaside person”. In this case, more likely than not you’ll only really feel completely well, at home, if and when you’re able to move to and live at your desired type of location.
Given this situation, you could say you “need” to live in Nature.
However, being a “Nature person” doesn’t imply you are to suffer in sorrow and despair if you’re currently living in a urban environment at the moment.
You can make plans to move in the future. You can harbour the hope of moving should opportunities arise. You can, at least, be with the realization itself: I am a Nature person. Regardless of where I’m living now, or what my choices were in the past. This is what I am.
You are acknowledging the circumstances you’re surrounded with at the moment are probably not ideally suited to you. What this means, is that you’ve found a way to connect with your own true nature and inner self. You came to terms with your intrinsic reality, within – even within a situation that might not be entirely suitable to you.
What this does, is to allow you a degree of peace and balance, even if you don’t have everything you want, and/or the way you want it, right now.
Plus, chances are that because you’ve found a way to connect with your true inner essence, you will now be open to opportunities in the future, that will allow you to match your outer reality with your inner understanding of yourself.
My point is that you have a unique, distinct nature as a person; that this nature implies interests, preferences, wants and desires; and those interests and desires don’t necessarily imply on their own that you’re being selfish, needy, inappropriate, or out of balance.
The need associated with Attachment, however, is a different thing.
This NEED is when you lose the ability to be in balance if you happen to not be able to have what you want, or when you want it.
“Need” is that feeling of pain and despair when you’re unable to get what you want.
This brand of “Need” clings to the idea of having a specific thing, or person. It gets fixated and stuck in it. It doesn’t want to let go. You must have that one thing. You must be with that one person. The solution to your problem must pan out in this exact way. Your mind obsesses over it. You dwell on it constantly. You’re not at peace. Your wellness depends on you having that specific thing. It rests on its shoulders.
This “need” is not exclusive to the situation of not having the thing you crave. It can be, and often is, present when you do attain the object of your desire.
In that case, you fear losing what you have. You cling to your possession, or a partner, in an unbalanced way. You fear, for example, that your partner might not like you, or might grow interest in someone else other than you. This is when Attachment is present in a relationship.